Stepping Into the Leadership Role

Erin Roche- Maryland Family Law Attorney

For most of my career, confidence was easy to locate.
It lived in the courtroom.

That was where I felt certain, prepared, and grounded. I knew the law. I knew my role. I knew how to advocate. In that space, I trusted myself completely.

Leadership required a different kind of confidence, and it did not come naturally.

As my role expanded, I began to understand that being a strong lawyer did not automatically make me a strong leader. Leadership asked more of me than technical excellence. It required visibility when my instinct was to let my work speak for itself. It required decisiveness when collaboration felt safer. It required taking up space in rooms where my presence was not always welcomed or respected.

With time and reflection, I started to recognize patterns in myself that I had not fully acknowledged before. I noticed how often I softened my voice to avoid conflict. How frequently I over explained decisions I was already confident in. How deeply I wanted to be understood and liked, even when leadership required firmness instead.

While men certainly contributed to some of that discomfort, the harder truth was this. Some of the most difficult resistance came from other women.

I encountered dismissive attitudes not only from older male partners at other firms who spoke with certainty about my qualifications, but also from women who quietly questioned my leadership, withheld support, or seemed threatened by my presence. Women who made rooms colder instead of safer.

That was painful to confront.

I never expected that other women would not only withhold support, but actively seek to undermine or diminish me. We often talk about women supporting women, and I believe deeply in that ideal. But the reality is that not every woman will celebrate your growth. Some measure it against their own fears, insecurities, or sacrifices. And at times, women can be the harshest critics in the room.

Naming that truth was uncomfortable, but it was also clarifying.

One of the most important lessons I have learned is that leadership is not about being liked. I work hard. I care deeply. And still, not everyone will approve of how I lead, especially when you are a woman who does not fit neatly into someone else’s expectations.

Many women are caregivers and fixers by nature. We want to be the solution. We want to smooth things over. And when we are told we are the problem without clarity or context, we are left scrambling to repair something we cannot see.

You cannot fix what you are not told.

Leadership has required me to sit with that discomfort without shrinking. It has required me to stop over explaining. To accept that I will sometimes be underestimated. To stop apologizing for decisions made thoughtfully and with integrity. To understand that confidence in leadership looks very different than confidence in litigation, and that it must be built with intention.

Through honest self reflection, I learned to trust my judgment outside the courtroom. I learned to walk into rooms with confidence even when that confidence felt unfamiliar. I learned that being decisive may earn labels I never had before, and that being seen as the bad guy often simply means I am doing the job I was entrusted to do.

Stepping into leadership has meant stepping out of comfort. It has meant choosing visibility over invisibility, growth over approval, and alignment over ease.

I am still learning. I am still stretching.

But I no longer question whether I belong at the table. And I no longer allow the expectations or projections of others to dictate my actions or my belief in my own ability.

Leadership is not about perfection. It is about presence. It is about self trust. It is about standing firm in who you are, even when others, men or women, question your right to lead.

That is the work.

And I am stepping into it.